I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
