The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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