So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
