I heard we made out
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
