You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
