hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
