Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
What drink are we having for lunch?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
