Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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