Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
