did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pants are for mortals
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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