what if every blade of grass was a penis?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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