apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
