Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
