So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I want to make a zoo with you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
