Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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