Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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