So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You are the jesus of drinking
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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