Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
