I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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