mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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