walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
did you just send me my own nude
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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