i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
