Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
