you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
