dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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