Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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