please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
