fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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