A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
