I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
