rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
