i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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