dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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