Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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