My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
