Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
