my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
