I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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