Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
