Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
