I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize