what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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