Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
