Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
