Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
