i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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