and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
