u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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