My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
