Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
