I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
