come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
