I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
