It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
