can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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