i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize