I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
