no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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