Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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