Only a mothe r could love this liver
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
