why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
