Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
