My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize