My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
