Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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